There ain't nothing like a Dame

Dame Edna Everage took Addenbrooke's Hospital by storm on Saturday morning. Not satisfied with opening the occasion, she then proceeded around the hospital and the stalls for the next couple of hours sharing her medical expertise and experience with the hundreds of people present. Mary had pointed out in her opening speech that the distinguished visitor before Dame Edna was Her Majesty The Queen. I left my poor wife Mary with the words, who in heavens name are we going to get next time? I know from messages passed on to me how grateful people are when a star takes the trouble to give up their time and offer their professional services at no charge. The turnout for the opening broke all records and I will end on the poem Dame Edna wrote specially for the occasion.

Ode to Addenbrooke’s – to be recited joyfully by an Australian Gigastar

I love to visit hospitals
No matter when or where
And my favourite department
Is of course, Intensive Care.
I feel happy and relaxed there
Far away from household chores
Bringing joy to all the patients
Pushing through those floppy doors.
As a kiddie I would visit
My dear old Auntie Molly
Who passed away quite suddenly
By falling off her trolley.
And years later when I took
the Theatre World by storm
I practically lived in intensive care
To cherish my husband Norm.
I even built a hospital
And gave it to the nation
Surely you must all have heard
of my Royal Prostate Foundation.
I have given more to medicine
Than those other famous Dames
And my husband’s organ has inspired
The Prostate Olympic Games!

But tucked away in Cambridge,
In one of England’s lovliest nooks
Is a hospital that I adore,
You’ve guessed it, Addenbrooke’s!
The concourse alone’s enough to make
you glad that you’re alive
(Call me old-fashioned but it reminds me
Of an efficient Terminal 5.)
I come here to have my hair done
Book a trip, or throw a party
Or sip my favourite coffee,
An Americano or a latté.

I guard my anonymity
When I’m here at Addenbrooke’s
So I’m not always signing autographs
Or receiving awe-struck looks.
And on those rare occasions
when I don’t want to be seen
I wear a polyester headscarf -
A present from the Queen.
But now, upon your Open Day
I’m so full-on I’m scary!
And I’m proud to be the special guest
Of my fragrant friend, Dame Mary.
For here you have a hospital
That all the world should see
It’s an institution,
life-affirming,
Iconic, like me!

So possums, open up your hearts
And if you will, your purses,
And remember all the fun we had
When we played doctors and nurses.


I had to rush Dame Edna back to London as her alter-ego Barry Humphries was appearing as one of the judges on the BBC programme, I'd Do Anything that evening. What a pro.